Category Archives: Rants

The Day the Orange Penny Dropped

If I was a musician I be composing a song, as an artist my hands would be covered paint, but I write so this is how I express views and opinions to anyone willing to listen.

November 9th, 2016

It’s official. For the next four years the United States of America’s SEO will be a near-billionaire, reality TV star businessman. The world watches in horror as they witnessed their countless jokes on dumb Americans being proven true before their very eyes, and it’s no longer funny. Those of us with a common sense of decency and ability to think freely are waking up this morning with paranoid uncertainty towards the future.

It’s not that we are disappointed that Hillary lost; we are angry that Trump got away with winning the way he did. As if this world was sucked into an alternate reality in which many Americans decided to put their trust in ideas straight out of 1937. We are scared because of all the things a Trump presidency means.

It means that even in 2016, an era where we have the answer to every question in the universe in the palm of our hand, the majority of people are still misinformed. It means that the voice of the people is easily swayed by opinion-based journalism and non-factual statements in the media. How did a man who acts like a parody of everything a leader shouldn’t be win the highest office in the land? More idiots believed his bullshit. Period. Which is what shocks me the most. KKK endorsement, sexual assault court date, and hate speech are bad enough, but the fact that he won by literally not saying anything at all is what crushes any hope I had for humanity in this country.

Working in marketing has taught me to read between the lines and distinguish speech from buzz words. “God” “Great” “Patriot” “Best” “Islamic” “Terror” “Insider” “Bless” are all examples of buzz words which are burned into our brains so that when we hear them in a speech it catches our attention. I ask all of you Trump supporters to please tell me 1 plan Trump has said to “making America great again”, besides building a wall and deporting millions. An actual plan. Can’t think of one? Yeah, that’s because he fucking didn’t say anything! His speeches hold the same weight as a used car salesmen’s pitch.

What most failed to realize is that we all know Hillary is an example of everything wrong with our political system. They call her crooked and corrupt, fine, who do you think is stuffing her pantsuits with dollar bills? Non-political insiders like Trump who have deeper pockets than him. You picked the representation of why we hate politicians in the first place to run our country!

But what hurts the most is that in an era that was once looked at as the bright future of tomorrow is just a déjà vu of yesterday. How is it possible that in 2016 we still have people who think its 1963? How can we be this divided in this country? A country with the power to offer the absolute best to its people in order to truly be the best in the world. This election proved two timeless lessons: greed is the root of all evil and ignorance truly is bliss. It’s the only way a sane person can put this election into some form of reality.

So what’s next? Those who know will tell us soon, but until then we have to view this for the learning opportunity it is. “You have to go away before you can comeback”, “The night is always darkest before the dawn”, “It has to get worse before it can get better”, pick whichever one sounds best for you and roll with it. I feel that if this Trump presidency is going to happen then we have to take it as our rock bottom wake up call and get ready for rehab in 2020. We have to stop letting the majority uneducated people of this country pick our leaders for us.

Whatever happens over the next four years, we will endure as we have throughout the history of this young country. Maybe life’s sick sense of humor will deliver a twist ending for the better, you never know. Having that flicking light of hope is necessary to keep moving forward through this valley of orange hate that lays ahead. As many other authors, writers, and journalist will tell you. Don’t feel defeated, don’t feel depressed, and don’t feel sorry for yourself. We don’t have that luxury anymore. Now, more than ever, we need the voice of common sense to finally disturb the sound of ignorance that is ringing in our ears. It’ll be tough, annoying, and probably tragic, but time will soon sort this out in the past and we will have something else to catch our attention.

Good luck fellow Americans.


Staring Down the Barrel of Fantasy – Trigger Happy Americans

I Love Guns

My father and I own 27 different firearms in our collection. Notice I said collection and not armory, because we are not dooms day preppers, nor are we forming a militia to overthrow the government based off Fox News statistics. We own so many guns for the same reason we own over 20 cars – we like them. We appreciate the art and craftsmanship that goes into  a revolver or the mechanism in a lever action rifle. We do not go hunting, nor do we aspire to gun down a, “bad guy”. We use our firearms for recreation, which consists of shooting beer bottles and inanimate objects in the safety of our ranch.

Steel Mystique

Guns have a mystique about them, much like a car does. A fast car can make a driver believe he/she is better than they really are. A big truck can make a driver feel stronger than they really are. That’s why jokes about compensating for something always come up. Whether they are true or not is beside the point because even if you have nothing to prove, you will get that feeling of confidence.

Holding a loaded gun for the first time is an experience. I was 12 when I held my first hand gun. It was a nickel plated 9mm Smith & Weston, with a hare trigger, that used to belong to a U.S Marshal at some point in its life. You feel the weight of gun in your hand and the first thought in your mind is, “I have the power to take away life in the palm of my hand.” It is a powerful feeling, and with any amount of power comes the possibility for corruption.


America is divided on many issues – one of them is gun control. The media only seems to be spamming the two extreme sides of the argument. Either they take away all the guns, or give everyone a gun to “defend” themselves, with no room for compromise. I hear the phase, “God given right”, being thrown around a lot during gun control debates as the NRA treats the second amendment as a way of life.

Let’s be perfectly clear about something. The only right God gives us is the right to an ending. We come into this world with only one certainty in life and that is that one day it will end for all of us. Everything else that people claim is a, “God given right”, is just bullshit used to distract bible thumpers from the smell.

Now, why are so many people pro-gun? That is a question people ask me because I own firearms and I am here to explain the mentality of a gun owner who fears the day a G-man will knock on his door asking for his gun. The following does not apply to all gun owners, but it does for those who are against common sense gun control.

All this fighting over what to do with guns in the America can be traced down to one thing, guns are cool. Blame who you want, the movie industry, television, the MURICA mentality, but having a gun strapped to your side is cool. It’s like smoking, doesn’t matter how many studies are published explaining the dangerous of smoking, it still looks cool.

Open Carry All Around

The argument is that if everyone carried a gun out in the open, crime would go down. That theory, which is what it is, would work…in a perfect world where nobody was angry and stress didn’t exist. The reality is that we are all just one small incident away blowing up. One rude driver cutting you off, one rude retail customer, one coffee made incorrectly, one annoying dog that won’t shut up, away from the last straw. What will prevent us from using our guns, in the heat of the moment, as a problem solver? This is 2016, not 1886.

Fight Against Tyranny

Another argument is that we need guns to protect ourselves against tyranny. The idea that armed with a 12 gauge and an AR-15 we will be able to stop the largest military force in history from breaking in our doors. That alone is nonsense, but what amazes me is that they don’t stop to think about what tyranny would mean for this country.

That would mean that all of our troops, that we love and support, would have to betray their own families, neighbors, and friends under direct orders from a government that under pays them and cuts their benefits at any given opportunity. What incentive would a Marine need to have in order to go out and kill his/her countrymen? That argument has no value in the real world.

What about other countries invading the US? That may happen, and attacks have happened in has in the past, but again we fail to remember that we have the largest military force ever seen. Our military can out gun, and out muscle every country on this planet. Being in constant “conflict” with other counties means we have a massive surplus of unused tanks, planes, guns, and bombs collecting dust in graveyards for that, “just in case”, moment. So if someone does decide to bring a fight to our soil, they will not stand a chance, realistically. So that argument is on thin ice. If someone attacks the US it is because our government allowed it.

CHL Fantasies

What kind of person carries a gun in public? Not talking about police or military, I mean civilians who are proud supporters of the NRA. Well, there are different mentalities to these kinds of people.

One is the hero fantasy. They strap on their piece hiding behind the idea that they want to protect themselves from a, “bad guy with a gun”, but in reality they just want to feel tough. Have that feeling that if someone dared to mess with them they will pull out their piece and say, “Go ahead, make my day.” Have that sense of authority that they are closer to being a bad-ass then those who are not carrying a gun. It’s an ego booster.

They live with a constant fantasy. They wait in line at a gas station, or a bank, and secretly wish that a junkie would bust in waving a shotgun, so that him/her can save the day with their best Dirty Harry impression. Itching for a chance to use their weapon for what it was built to do, kill.

Hate to burst their bubble but all gun owners who practice at a gun range must use protective eye wear, and ear plugs. Why? Because when you fire a gun you don’t actually hear it. Those that know understand that firing a gun without ear protection means your ears will be ringing for the rest of the day, and followed by a possible headache.

Life is not an action movie. In life you miss, a lot. The odds of you pulling your gun out, without stumbling, aiming at the criminal and squeezing off two rounds into their chest is near impossible. You will miss, or maybe hit someone else, and propably get killed in the process. Now you’re just a jerk who tired to play cowboy and lost. Ask any military or law enforcement official and they will tell you that you are never fully trained to handle a life and death situation with a firearm.

I don’t carry any of my guns in public because I know that I have better odds of dating a Playboy bunny than being in a situation where I need to shoot .357 magnum rounds at someone.

Bad Guys With Guns

My favorite argument is, “if you take away our guns, then only the bad guns will have them.” Illegal guns in America are dirt cheap compared to illegal guns in countries with strict gun control, why? Because in America you can find a gun just about anywhere, but in other countries like Australia, getting a hold of a handgun will cost you up to five figures! Paying over ten grand for a 9mm is impossible for the thug looking to knock over a convenience store. If we can buy cheap guns, so can the bad guys. We all live in the same country people.

Some of you may look to Mexico saying that their people are not allowed to bear arms and that is why their country is being overrun with cartel drug lords. You are correct, but where does some of the cartel’s weapons come from? From good old USA, the world’s Walmart for weapons.

Let’s Admit the Truth

I am not saying that we need to outlaw every single gun in the country, because that would be impossible. The government would spend billions trying to collect every single piece of gun metal in this country, so please stop with that stupid bullshit. It is just another fantasy argument.

I do feel that if you want to protect your home, get a shotgun. If you want to protect yourself, get a revolver. If you enjoy hunting, get a nice bolt-action rifle. Everything else is just unnecessary and you want them because you like them, admit it! There is no shame in saying you want a fully automatic assault rifle because it’s cool – they are.

A gun’s purpose is not to protect, its purpose is to kill. The context of how it is used is what will categorize a killing as self defense or murder. Guns kill, fact, because that is what they are purpose built to do. Giving this tool to an untrained, misinformed, and angry public is bringing the analogy of a monkey with a machine gun to life. What else would you call a mass shooting?

Cut the Bull

I am neither pro-gun or anti-gun, I just believe in common sense. In a country where racism is coming out of the shadows from 1960, while the modern age tries to progress forward, guns are the last thing we need to be allowing people to carry. We are a short tempered, ignorant, close to the breaking point society and this fantasy argument over guns needs to stop. Cut the bullshit and return to reality.

2016’s Rant on 2015

Every holiday we celebrate comes with its own specific brand of optimistic anticipation. The problem with anticipation is that the results are never as good as the idea. New Years is the shortest holiday, yet it delivers the most anticipation. The holiday only lasts for one minute, but the effects of the build up to the idea of a new year can last from 2 weeks to a lifetime. The idea of a “clean slate”, to start over, reset, restart, or finally do a change in your life.

The year 2015, for me, felt like half a decade. A lot of change happened in that year as I transitioned between two big chapters in my life. The ending of my college career and the beginning journey into adulthood. It was also my first official year as a freelance writer. I met a lot of interesting, and wonderful, people who helped me lay the foundation for what will eventually prove to be a successful writing career. I added a few more job titles to my resume this year, first by working as a copywriter. Lived a brief fantasy of a, “starving artist”, during the summer of no steady work while looking for writing gigs. Days with nothing to do but flex my fingers on a computer screen describing the vivid details of my inner thoughts for no one’s eyes but my own.

A good friend of mine got married this year too. He is one of a small select group of friends that have been a part of my life for over a decade now. This year was a culture shock as my friends and I suddenly entered a new reality in which people we remember seeing on monkey bars and coloring with crayons are now getting married or having children. For someone who is still not completely sure what kind of person he is going to be, it is hard to cope with the idea of having another person’s life depending on you emotionally and financially.

Towards the end of 2015 I was looking at a fork in the road. Both roads are filled with rough terrain and possible stormy weather, but they end in the same peaceful destination. The difference between them is that one has a beautiful landscape while the other road feels like you are just going around in circles. I became a member of a writing association, which means I now have a real world opportunity to start my career as an automotive writer. A dream career of getting paid to write about my life’s hobby and seeing the world in the process. Some may think differently, but I am a strong believer in that if you do what you love the money will follow. Sadly, in order to do that you have to find a day job to keep the bills paid until the money starts following.

I ended 2015 by started my first ever “grown up” job. Working for Hertz. Renting cars as a glorified insurance salesman; pushing $65 a day full coverage on a Toyota Yaris with roll up windows to people who make me question Charles Darwin’s theory of evolution. Having to wear a tie while sitting in a grey colored office for a 10 hour shift sparks my deep fear of a “normal life”. Being normal, to me, means having the same routine for days on end. Doing the same thing over and over again is my greatest fear in life because that does not mean living. Everyday should be a different road that ends in the same destination. Working for Hertz does mean that I now have a steady form of income with a guaranteed opportunity for promotion and advancement. Theoretically, I could force down my anger and dislike for most humans and grow a career with Hertz. The money would be good, and I would be able to afford more toys for myself. However, that would mean I would have to be someone I am not, and work just so I can afford to be myself on weekends.

I do have the ability to sell someone a product, but I hate doing it. I like creating, not selling. I like putting words together and creating a sentence that will cause a reaction in someone’s subconscious when they read it. Selling forces you to shovel heaps of fertilizer in order to convince someone that their way of thinking is wrong. I have the luxury of youth so I have a choice in whether to dedicate 2016 to my writing career or my corporate career.

There is also the idea of going back to school and become a history professor. I want to do my part in helping burst the bubbles of blissful ignorance of future generations. Teaching young people on why those who do not remember their history are doomed to repeat it seems like a good way to help change the world for the better. 2016 will be my first official year as an adult and I have three possible career paths ahead of me, for now.

I can remember once reading a joke that went, “Writer’s block is when the voices in your head stop talking.” I remember it because not only did it make me laugh, it made me realize something I had not noticed before. Ever since I became serious about wanting to be a writer I have developed a little voice in my head that I never had before. Not a voice to tell me right from wrong, or prevent me from hurting myself, a voice that seems to have all the answers. A voice that creates its own dialog as I go about my day. I can be completely focused on a task at hand while the voice in the back of my head starts to rant and deconstruct my reality. I do not know if other writers have a similar situation, but that is how it works for me. When I write I am basically just writing whatever the voice seems to be talking about at that moment. Some of you may be curious as to what the voice in my head sounds like. It is hard to put into words, but the best way to describe it is that is sounds like my ego. I hear the voice and it sounds like my own, but with confidence in its tone. The kind of voice that could help a politician win elections. A blunt, serious sense of righteousness with zero doubt.

My low self-esteem is in constant battle with my furious ego. I have had a number of my articles published in over a handful of magazines, newspapers, and websites, yet I still feel like a kid with a BB gun trying to enter a gunslinger’s saloon. I write with a soul crushing paranoid fear that I am not good enough to be a famous writer, but with an entitled sense of pride that what I am typing will be quoted by students writing essays in decades to come.

So why am I writing this? Why is this the first thing I write about for the year? It came to me on New Year’s Eve. I was not feeling as happy as I should have been and couldn’t understand why. I began to play back the memories of past New Year’s and noticed that for each one I always felt a little neutral. It was because I was always so lost inside my own head trying to predict and fantasize what I wanted the New Year to be like.

This was the year when I became self-aware. The year when I became aware of how the world really works. Run by a selected few, and kept in power through marketing fear to the people. Politics is bought, not won. The world could end in my life time. Reading between the lines of society. Being part of a species that fights over its differences instead of bonding over its similarities. Being able to write is a blessing for it allows me to get all these frustrating emotions of all the unnecessary hate and disgust in the world and put it on to paper. I am truly grateful for that.

For those that read this, I am sorry if I sound conceded or entitled. I was merely speaking my mind exactly as it sounds in my head. This writing was just a reflection of my 2015, while dealing with my fear of uncertainty and optimism. I hope you were entertained at least and I wish all of you nothing but the absolute best for as many New Years as possible.