Being a car-guy is never boring, but it does have its difficult moments. Our auto obsession is constantly being misunderstood by normal people and especially women. Cars have brain washed us into thinking that a smokey burnout or a well executed handbrake turn will make a girl assume the position and be putty in our hands. Cars make us outweigh the options between how much to spend on our date over how much to spend at the auto part store in order to get our rides ready for: the dragstrip, car meet, or car show next weekend. Women get after us when we refer to our cars as girls, for example, “She was cammed and I installed hooker headers in her, and man does she sound dirty”. They do not understand half the stuff we are talking about on the daily bases, “Oh wow! A ’69 Boss with a shotgun engine, 4-speed, and slicks! I bet it runs 12s all day!” But we aren’t all bad; in fact, I believe that car-guys are some of the best type for a girl who is looking for a “good guy”.
Now ladies, when looking for a car-guy beware of posers and pretenders because there are a lot of them out there. Fast and Furious fanboys, guys who think 28 inch “rimz” look great on any vehicle, or that think Pimp My Ride was a good show are NOT qualified. Now if you see a guy who eats ramen noodles every day because he spent his paycheck on race tuned suspension kit (because race car), gets his car facts from watching Top Gear, speaks in a language of numbers; for example, “I just dropped an aluminum 454 with a turbo 700 in the ’69 z/28 so it should be putting down at least 500 at 3500”. Then you might be in the company of a car-guy, greased up hair or busted knuckles are also hints that he’s the real deal. I understand that car-guys are a bit strange in the eyes of the average human, but let me explain to the women of the world why we are strangeness makes for a good spouse or boy friend.
- The only mistress a car-guy will have will be his car: A car-guy in love will always put his girl at number 1, but our cars will always be in a photo finish second place. That means you’ll never have to worry about him checking out other women, he will be too busy checking out the rear-end of an Audi R8 or 1970 Chevelle SS.
- We are easy to shop for when it comes to the holidays: Tools, any object with our favorite car or car brand painted on it, or money to buy more tools. Done.
- The house will be your kingdom!: Feel free to decorate the house as you wish, all we request is the garage to be our kingdom…and maybe part of the backyard to park our summer project.
- We are handy to have around: Can’t afford a plumber or electrician? Most car-guys can use their stock pile of tools to tinker around with anything that needs fixing around the house. (including your own car)
- We express our emotions openly: We will get emotional if we see a car that looks exactly like the one our father used to have, because we will flashback to our childhood memories of sitting on his lap while we steered the car. I know I get an inch in my eye whenever I think back of those moments with my dad. We will definitely shed a tear if we come back from a store to see someone has dented or scratched our beloved automobile…and then go into a ballistic rapid fit of rage. No matter how bad of a mood we are in, once we start driving our car, we will change moods faster than a schizophrenic with a bipolar disorder.
- Want a good guy that looks like a bad boy? We got you covered: Car guys love fast cars and everything that is usually associated with them such as: rock n roll, leather jackets, sun glasses, tattoos, motorcycles, slick hair, the occasional run-in with the law and even smoking. Everything needed to make your parents start looking into all female boarding school for you. You get the bad boy image with the good guy heart.
Now realistically every car-guy is different so results may vary, but the point is that we aren’t all that bad once you get past the whole obsession over automobiles. I know every car-guy has said that they wanted a motor girl to share their passion with, marry a girl if she could perform a prefect downshift, or a woman that can hand us the correct socket wrench while we are underneath the car. In the end, however, what we desire the most is a woman who will love us and just tolerate our little hobby. Ladies, you don’t need to understand our hobby if you do not want to, but letting us be able to express our fuel injected addiction freely will be key to making sure we think of you more than our cars.